Dear Mamaw,
When my brother called this morning, I thought for sure he was wanting to cry about some girl. I had no idea that girl was you. Shock at your departure set in almost immediately. By the time I stumbled back to my room at 5 this morning, the wall had fallen, and I was bawling. Rob was there in a second, and held me for the 2 hours it took me to fall back to sleep.
At first, I was devastated. I can't imagine life without you. You have always been the rock of this family. And poor Papaw, who has known nothing but you by his side for almost 60 years. What will he do now?
But slowly, I realized you must be happier this way. I know you couldn't even walk from one room to the next without stopping to rest anymore. I know you couldn't even lay down without hurting so much you cried. Surely now you won't hurt. I think it hurt all of us more knowing that we couldn't help you when you cried, then it does to know we'll never see you again.
I'm glad the priest said your ashes could be scattered in the church flower bed like you wanted. They should turn out really pretty next year because of it, and you'll always be home.
I'm so sorry that I wasn't around. I'm sorry I never brought Rob by like I promised. I bought you a Christmas present yesterday. What should I do with it? Even when I didn't call, I was always thinking of you.
Thank you for always being so compassionate. Thank for you showing me how to love baseball. Thank you for the cookbooks. Thank you for making that blankey with me when my baby blanket had to be put away before it disappeared. I still sleep with it every night.
I'm dreading the family calendar, because I know your face will be on it. I don't know how I'll get through Christmas Eve. At least it's not at your house anymore. That will at least make it a little easier.
I miss you so much already. Tell Aunt Sandee "Hi" for me, and let her know I still have my Spanish Doll. To me, you will always be the very definition of love.
All the love I have to give,
Jessica
10 comments:
jesse i'm so sorry to hear about this, call me, kel
sorry Sleep, you are a sweetheart.
Thanks everyone, for your kind comments.
I may be gone for a couple of days, to attend her mass. If I can arrange things with work. So if I'm scarce, worry not. We're doing okay here in the Goblin household.
*hugs* I'm so sorry, baby! Hope you can work things out at work. Love ya, Chanda
So so sorry to hear this Sleep. That was a beautiful letter you wrote. We'll be thinking of you in the monkey house.
Hugs,
Monkey and Purple
Oh Jessica. I'm sorry about your loss. Sending a lot of love and prayers your way.
Thinking of you during your time of loss...
No one ever really dies...
They go to a lovely place...
Where they can watch, and love, and live...
And wait for friends and family to join them.
Have heart, Sleep Goblin. Mawmaw is listening.
I am thinking of you.
I wrote a post about my Granny for tomorrow. I'll post it with you in mind.
love,
SG
I am so saddened by your loss, I wish I could say something that would matter to you, but I cannot think what. I sure picked a time to finally stop by, and I apologize for that. I've enjoyed reading your comments on other blogs we mutually read. It's never easy losing your folks, I've lost both of mine, I know! Take all the time you need, we all understand. I loved your letter, it brought memories of my own folks back to me and brought tears to my eyes with its beauty. You are already being honest with your feelings, a step it took me years to get to, this is a good thing, believe it or not. Your letter should help you in your grieving process. Your family will be in my thoughts in your departure. Take care of yourselves, you need each other now more than ever. *hugs*
I'm very sorry for your loss... I don't have much constructive to say, just wanted you to know that I saw your message, and I care.
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