Terror

This weekend, for my birthday, I went to NYC alone.  No kids, and no husband because he was watching the kids.  There were a lot of wonderful things about the trip that I'll try to remember to post later (though, let's be honest, my track record is poor at best), but one thing in particular happened that was terrifying.

I was on the subway heading back to Penn Station to catch the train home.  A young man got on the train, dressed all in back, wearing a backpack, his face covered in a white mask.  He walked the length of the car and settled in front of the door that was directly across from where I was sitting.  He fidgeted and hopped around, like he was psyching himself up for something.  He kept bending over and adjusting his mask, hiding his face, and generally looking uncomfortable and antsy.  Then he would stand up, mask in place, and blatantly stare at people on the car.  A few times he shifted so he was looking out the door between trains.

Now, this is NYC, so the chance that he was just a nut job, or weirdo, or even street performer, were all real possibilities.  Also, it's NYC, so the chance that he was a terrorist was also felt like a real possibility.  It was 9/11 weekend.  I was absolutely terrified at the possibility that this man was psyching him up to do something terrible.  I assumed there was a bomb in the backpack.

No one the train was reacting much.  Most people didn't even acknowledge him.  A few looked at him, curious.  Only one other person seemed even slightly concerned.  I could feel panic rising in me, but there was nowhere to go, and no proof that this person meant anyone harm.  I fought to keep my breath steady, to appear unconcerned.  I refused to look at him except when he bent over to adjust his mask, because I was positioned in a way that he wasn't hiding his face from me when he did so and I wanted to be prepared just in case something needed reporting.  I quickly decided that if he were a nutjob, I did not want to draw attention to myself by staring.  If he were a street performer, I did not want to encourage him to repeat performances terrifying people by engaging.  Not looking at him also help keep me from having a panic attack.

At the next train stop, he went to the open door, crowed loudly as if in triumph, and exited the train.  The people getting on sort of laughed, in that way that people do when they're trying recover from something out of place and feel reconnected with the herd.  I have never been so relieved in my life.

I still don't what his purpose was on the train, or how common an occurrence something like that is in the city.  I've lived in a metropolis long enough to have experienced many random and odd things on the subway, but this was the first time one has made me scared for my life.  It is not something I hope to repeat.  It's also not something that will keep me from going back to NYC and enjoying myself, because everything we do has an inherent risk, and the chance of this happening again seems small.  I am thankful that I have some grasp of my own continuous risk assessment of the world, because I can easily see how this one incident would completely shut down a person.

Aerials, Anchors, & Little Helpers

It simultaneously feels like time is flying and we're super busy, and that we're not doing anything at all.  I'm trying to remember everything that's happened since my last post.  At first, I didn't think it was much, but the more I think about it, it's kind of a lot.  Not all of it is interesting though.

Remember "Mark"?  He came over for a bit yesterday.  It was absolutely gorgeous out.  Just the right amount of sun and heat and breeze with no humidity.  He spent some time attempting to catch the cats, who had never been around children before.  They were understandably wary, but surprisingly well behaved.  They even ended up taking treats from his hand, though we had to help him hold still enough that the cats didn't start.  When it seemed like the cats had had enough treats, Sarah told me how much "Mark" loves watering plants.  She was not kidding!  I think he watered my tomato about 20 times.  It's a good thing I wasn't putting much in his watering can.  I had a little one hiding in the cabinets that I never use, and I was filling it up on the balcony from my big one so his wasn't too heavy.  After the big one was empty, we tried telling him he was done and the water was gone.  And then he discovered the cats' water fountain and attempted to refill the big one himself.  It would seem he doesn't quite understand water flow yet ;)

"Mark" attempts to refill the watering can.

DS has been taking me to Birdsboro Rock Quarry, which is now a sport climbing place and lake.  I've never been a serious outdoor climber, and what little I have done was mostly top roping.  I had some things to learn about proper technique for clipping and cleaning the anchor.  It makes climbing quite a bit scarier, because you typically have further to fall than you do with a top rope.  It took two trips, but I've learned enough that I can do everything.  Now I just need to work on my outdoor climbing skills (outdoor climbs are a bit harder than indoor ones typically) and my nerve.  It's really exciting stuff, and I love that DS and I have a physical activity that we can do together again.

In an attempt to motivate ourselves to keep working out, Sarah and I have decided to run a 5k this summer.  I've never run anything before.  I'm a horrible runner.  But I have noticed that in the year since I last visited a real gym I've gotten significantly better at it.  Not to say I'm "good", but by comparison, definitely better.  I'm nervous about the idea of running anything at all, though this race is not typical.  It's called Color Me Rad, (seems almost identical to The Color Run) and you can walk or run or anything you want.  It's not timed.  You wear white and get hit with "color bombs" which dye you all kinds of crazy colors.  I think it will be a lot of fun, and it seems like the perfect way to try out a 5k.

Monday DS and I checked out a gymnastics studio which recently put up a rock climbing wall.  We weren't expecting the wall to be very big, but we did have hopes about the studio equipment.  It was advertised as Open Gym, and their website indicated that they provide instruction on vault, bars, balance beam, and floor exercise.  Floor exercise alone is huge in terms of space.  Unfortunately, this place was tiny.  It had a bar, but it was for small children.  The trampoline wasn't much bigger than those individual ones people put in their houses.  I was pretty bummed, as I was looking forward to playing around with stuff I haven't had access to since high school.  But there was a slackline, which is harder than I imagined, and a mat laid out for a line of tumbling.  A few of us were attempting aerials.  I used to be able to do one, but it would seem that now I have trouble trusting my body to make it around without killing me; my hands kept reaching for the floor at the last minute.  It's a very strange thing to have muscle memory for things your body can't do anymore.  I remember in exacting detail how to do each aspect of a back handspring, but if I tried one now, I'd most likely break my neck.  I have dreams all the time about doing gymnastics.  I miss it a lot.

Oh, and I got my new glasses today!  Hooray for being able to see again! :D

Six Flags Great Adventure

DS and I spent the weekend with our friends Matt and Sam.  The Matt who married us.  They live in NY, which had its first Maker Faire.  It seemed smaller than the SF one we went to last year, and DS and I got there late in the afternoon so we didn't have a lot of time.  Still though, it was cool to go, and ARC Attack was AWESOME!  I recommend finding some video of the dudes themselves, because it was so cool.  Though maybe you've heard of them?  Apparently they were on America's Got Talent?  I have no idea, I don't watch TV...

Anyway, we had a lovely dinner, delicious chocolates, and good conversation.  Then on Sunday we drove Sam out to Six Flags Great Adventure in NJ.  It's been at least six years since I've ridden a roller coaster.  I have a serious fear of heights.  Well, not so much of heights, but of falling.  If I think I'm safe, I have no problem whatsoever being high in the air.  Roller coasters were something that took me some years of concerted effort to be comfortable with, to trust that they wouldn't kill me and accept the fear so I could enjoy the adrenaline rush.  It's a skill that requires practice to maintain, and so I was excited about Six Flags, but also horrified...

There were six of us altogether, and we split a Flash Pass so we wouldn't have to wait in line.  (so worth it!)  We started off with the Batman coaster, which looked about on par with the types of coasters I really enjoyed back in the day.  I've looked up some point of view videos on YouTube for you to ride along.



Not too high, not too fast.  Easy peasy.  Also, shoulder harnesses, which are an important part of me feeling safe.  So then they all insisted we do Nitro, which is the second highest coaster in the park, with the first downhill going past vertical.  Yowza.  According to Wikipedia, you can see Philadelphia on a clear night from up there.  There aren't even shoulder harnesses.  I was freaking out.  I closed my eyes for the lift hill, because contemplating falling to my death is less forceful when I can't see it laid out before me.  Surprising myself, I opened my eyes as we crested the hill and let go.  It was exhilarating.  Watch.



That horizontal helix is just the right length so that you just start to feel your vision fading, then those little snake hills would have me giggling from the blood still stuck in my head.  Probably not good for you to do all the time, but several times a day once a year seems like a good plan.

Other notable experiences:

 El Toro, which I think is supposed to make you feel like you're riding a bull. And as such, there's little to hold on to, and I was lifting out of my seat quite a bit.  Also, those rails always freak me out, which is oddly one of the reasons I love wooden coasters so much.  And hooray for banked turns!  That's something wooden coasters have seriously needed.

Kingda Ka gave me a panic attack just looking at it.  DS loved it, and I sat and tried not to think about him failing to come back to me...

Superman would probably be a lot of fun for me, except that the cars invert you so you face the ground like you're flying.  Staring straight down at the ground as I plummet towards it was a little too much for me visually.  Though with my eyes closed, it didn't feel all that crazy movement-wise.

Bizarro is actually a fun coaster, but it has this music that plays right in your ears the whole time that's loud and static-y and completely annoying.

Skull Mountain reminded me of Kentucky Kingdom's old Starchaser, and as such had me laughing through the whole thing.  Also, they put a giant foam jack-o-lantern at the bottom with a spotlight on it.  SCARY!

After at least six hours of this, we were exhausted.  DS and I made the short trip home (about an hour, and some of that was because we took a wrong turn; though we ended up getting home toll free because of that wrong turn, so I was happy) on our own.  We made a frozen pizza, checked the interwebs, and then crashed as the pitiful hour of 8:30.  Even me people.  Me who is currently up at 3am.  I slept 14 hours last night!

This was my third separate theme park, the first two being Kentucky Kingdom and King's Island.  I have to say it was a lot of fun.  Sometimes terrifying, but overall, fun.

Tremors

Lots of things brewing this week.  Currently DS is in Philadelphia for his last interview, and on Thursday I'll be meeting him in Chapel Hill so we can be "wooed".  We've been jokingly referring to it as our chance to "live it up on someone else's dime", but in all honesty, I don't know how much time we'll have to do that.  He'll be meeting to negotiate an offer, and we've been scheduled time with a realtor to look at houses.  Let me tell you, going through a website full of houses that you know you can't buy yet so that you can get a feel for the area is... both exciting and scary.  Also, there is a LOT of new construction for sale in Chapel Hill.  It seems like they were hit hard by the housing collapse.  Not that it helps me any, because I want an OLD house!  With acreage.  But after much hand wringing, I chose five for us to see on Saturday.

After a month of letting them gather on my camera, I finally got all the photos into my computer.  I'm hoping I have time tomorrow to go through them, clean them up, and then put them on here for your curious eyes.  But just in case the packing and the last minute errands keep me from it, I wanted to at least post this one.  Almost all of my photos of DS are of him scowling.  Maybe he thinks it's funny?  It often is. But sometimes I just want a good one, and here it is.  I had to tickle him to get it, and he was momentarily irate, but it was so worth it.

And in answer to all the wonderful notes I've been sent regarding my last post, let me just say that I have been reminded that I don't have to work when we get there.  Which means I'll be able to do things like volunteer, and take classes, and generally get a feel for what makes me happy.  It's so strange to be in that position, after years of toiling just to make ends meet.  Thank you all for being so supportive, and giving me truly helpful advice.

Yes, lots of things on the horizon.  But no earthquakes.  Sorry Mom.  I know you keep calling to ask if I'm still alive, but honestly, we've felt nothing.

It's Scary Here

DS went to Pittsburgh Sunday morning for APS, which is, from what I can gather, a big conference for super nerds. Maybe even bow tie wearing nerds... I don't know. I've never been. All I know for sure is that there's like 10k people there, and the talks are only 15 minutes each. I don't even know how you could say anything useful about science in 15 minutes that you'd fly across the country to say. But he did, and he's gone. He'll be home tomorrow night.

But I digress. The point is, it's scary here. And not because he's gone. He left me in Madison all the time and I survived just fine. SB though... I don't know man. This place is like spider heaven. Also known as SG hell.

As an example, today along I killed 8 spiders. I'm not kidding you. 7 of them were in the two windows in our living room. 1 was in the shower. The most disturbing thing was that one was in the shower.

You see, the spiders appeared about 2 or 3 weeks ago. I had been living here, fearing tarantulas (because apparently those are in the hills), but feeling pretty okay about my actual apartment, for like what? 2 months? The BAM! The first week I found 3 in 2 days. This was kind of the worst week, because I wasn't ready for it. That, and one of them was found as it dropped out of the pajama pants I was putting on. Yeah, that's right. I put on my pajamas, and a spider dropped out of the leg. I screamed. DS was asleep. He cursed me as he stumbled into the bathroom, where I was perched on the toilet seat, and he even called me Jaime (his sister) in his stupor.

The day I found two on the screen door right after bumping into it with my back to open it (cause I was doing laundry, so my hands were full), I decided that was enough. I went to Home Depot and got some of that whole house spray that is supposed to keep bugs out for a whole year. The heavy duty toxic stuff. Since it is toxic, I started with the half of the house I could close off from the cats fairly easily. This included the bathroom. I soaked all the windows, and everything around the windows. Even the screens. I also followed the directions and covered all floor edges out to a few inches. Until today, I had not seen a single spider in that half of the house (though I did find 6 while using the spray).

Now there's one in the bathroom??!!?? A whole year my ass. It hasn't even been 2 weeks!

Also, this morning as I was walking to my car, a spider was running in my direction from across the garage. All I saw was black and a hint of red before I jumped in the car and slammed the door and prayed he wasn't tagging along. I'm trying really, really hard not to think about the fact that I was nearly run down by a black widow.... I might spray the garage tomorrow for good measure.

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*For those of you that know me, you know I have pretty bad arachnophobia. Like, bad. Like, I have nightmares about spiders and kick DS so hard while sleeping that he wakes up and finds me crying in my sleep. I know it's irrational, and I can't help it. One time I tried to think about ways I could get over my fear, and I got so afraid that doing so would make me feel okay about coming in contact with spiders that I couldn't sleep for a few days. One nice thing about being here is that Sam is on the same page as me on this topic. We both know that a spider will attack you if it sees you. And that if you don't kill it and immediately get it out of the house, it could come back to life and come after you when you least expect it. Seriously.

So, with that in mind, notice that I said I killed 8 spiders today. I did that! And yeah, DS might laugh as I get out my little can of Raid and jump backwards in fear at each spray because if I'm not careful, the spider will use the spray to crawl to me, I'm at least doing the killing now. There are parts of the apartment I can't go back to at the moment, because I'm afraid of spider carcasses as well (see above for resurrected spider revenge)... I'm not able to actually get rid of them. Just spray them from a distance and watch in utter fear with goosebumps all over my body to make sure they stop moving. Then run.

Baby steps people.