Offensive Candy

Remember when I said that I won't read the last book in a series because I don't want the series to end? I do the same kind of thing with other good things as well. Tonight's topic: Candy.

When I went to Huber's two weeks ago, one of the things I picked up was a nifty looking Halloween sucker. I love suckers. I've been holding onto it all this time, because anticipation is half of what makes things good. You know, like Christmas. Or in the movie Vanilla Sky, what Penelope Cruz's character called pleasure delaying.

So here it's been two weeks, and tonight I decided its time. I'm going to savor this candy I've been holding onto. Here is a list of why this sucker was most horrendous:

• I opened the cellophane, only to discover the sucker was broken. This is a mortal offense, much like broken candy canes.
• Discovered inside said sucker was what appeared to be snot colored goo. Ew.
• Upon a tentative lick to see if said sucker was indeed as gross as it looked, it was found to be much worse than expected.

DS tried this sucker too, because I like to share my misery with others. His reaction? "Is that supposed to be candy corn flavored? I think it's fair to say that poo on a stick would taste better than that sucker."

There's little worse than candy letting you down. See for yourself.