January 07, 2006

DS is Gone

Don't be alarmed. He's not gone for his big disappearance just yet. He's visiting his family in South Carolina. He didn't get to go home for Christmas, and he didn't want to go another 3 months without seeing them. So I'm spending this weekend all alone.

I had a big dilemma tonight when it came time to feeding myself. Do you have any idea how long it's been since I've had to make myself dinner?? Long enough that I stood in the kitchen and whined like it might make him come home and make it. In fact, I called him and said, "Where's my dinner?"

Luckily, he reminded me that my new favorite spaghetti sauce was hiding in the back of one of our cupboards. Spaghetti is one of the few things I'll turn the stove on for. And this is mostly because I can ignore it while it cooks. It's almost like cooking in the microwave. Close enough.

Not that I didn't complain. I definitely did that.

Also, last night, I woke up to an empty house. Generally, when I wake up in the middle of the night, I go to the restroom, and then curl back up next to him and fall asleep. Except he wasn't there, and I was suddenly reminded of all the nights I would wander around my mom's house when everyone was asleep. I always had these fears that there were people lurking near the windows and doors in the dark, waiting for me to leave so they could break in. Or worse, get me. So last night, when I got up and found the restroom in the dark, I saw scary people in all of the shadows. When I went back to bed, it was cold and much too big.

So now I ask you. How will I survive these three months? It's obvious I've let myself become very dependent on his presence...

I think I'll start by sleeping in my old bed. It's small and cozy. And against a wall, so I can have my back covered. You know, just in case those fears come true.


Monica said...

I will watch your back to the best of my ability while he is gone.

Spinning Girl said...

It's amazing how comfortable we get in our habits, and how alienating ti is to have things change. Be strong, soldier!

kimberlina said...

i hate seeing things in the dark! i'd always see dogs. i find the the covers over ones head and fingers in the ears seems to do the trick. also, have an extra pillow so you can hug it against your tummy. or play music. something soothing every night. the same thing every night. that way you get used to it and supposedly it helps you sleep faster. like pavlovian dog response.