June 05, 2007

Boo!! This sucks.

So, I've been scarce here lately. Part of that has been because I never seem to have two minutes to myself anymore, much less a few for blogging. But a bigger part of that has been because I've been battling depression. It's a strange thing, depression. It sneaks up on you, and before you know it, you're drowning in your own self pity and not even your closest friends can pull you out of it. Everything people say becomes some kind of code that translates into you not being good enough. There's a small part of my brain that is still functioning enough to know that that's ridiculous, but not enough to convince the rest of it to stop crying over it all the time.

I feel slightly better than I did two weeks ago, though still not great. It's much less of an all consuming sadness, and more of being happy most of the time spiked with bouts of tears. The worst part about it is watching my friends tiptoe around me like I'm diseased or something, because they know as well as I that any little thing could set me off. When I called the doctor, the receptionist asked what the appointment was for, and then started whispering for the rest of the conversation. It's humiliating, and it doesn't matter how much logic tells me it's just another disease, I still feel dumb and worthless that I can't deal with this on my own.

Alright, so there you have it. I don't need reassurance from people that I'll be okay, but I'm probably not your best bet if you need a shoulder to cry on either. And updates may be sketchy. Though I did have a great weekend, and photos will come soon. Just kinda felt like being honest today...

6 comments:

Janelle Renee said...

I admire your honesty and how brave you are. Being depressed sucks.

Spinning Girl said...

Hi, thanks for sharing that; I don't know much about it, but I know that you are not causing it. Please be open to all forms of intervention; something will work for you!

Code name: 1% said...

bwah, you know i won't tiptoe around ya. so if you need someone to hang out with when you don't feel like pretending to be in a good mood, you know where to find me (except for the next week, when i'll be out of town). i probably owe you a million times over anyway ;)

Audit Princess said...

I have one word for you Boo. Paxil.

kimberlina said...

*hug* i also find making sucky angry art helps. start by KNOWING it's going to suck and that's the whole point. i like to wallow on the floor in front of the tv and make sucky art with pastels.

Rrramone said...

Thanks for sharing that. You helped me in a very unexpected way. :-)