A month of photos for your enjoyment, back-posted to reflect actual chronology.
SB Botanical Gardens
Figueroa Mtn
Winston and Birds
Arroyo Beach
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to throw some crap in a back pack so I can be at the airport in six hours. See you in Chapel Hill!
Lots of things brewing this week. Currently DS is in Philadelphia for his last interview, and on Thursday I'll be meeting him in Chapel Hill so we can be "wooed". We've been jokingly referring to it as our chance to "live it up on someone else's dime", but in all honesty, I don't know how much time we'll have to do that. He'll be meeting to negotiate an offer, and we've been scheduled time with a realtor to look at houses. Let me tell you, going through a website full of houses that you know you can't buy yet so that you can get a feel for the area is... both exciting and scary. Also, there is a LOT of new construction for sale in Chapel Hill. It seems like they were hit hard by the housing collapse. Not that it helps me any, because I want an OLD house! With acreage. But after much hand wringing, I chose five for us to see on Saturday.
After a month of letting them gather on my camera, I finally got all the photos into my computer. I'm hoping I have time tomorrow to go through them, clean them up, and then put them on here for your curious eyes. But just in case the packing and the last minute errands keep me from it, I wanted to at least post this one. Almost all of my photos of DS are of him scowling. Maybe he thinks it's funny? It often is. But sometimes I just want a good one, and here it is. I had to tickle him to get it, and he was momentarily irate, but it was so worth it.
In an attempt to "see California" before we leave sorry state, we spent Sunday at the Santa Barbara Botanical Gardens. At least half of it is still trying desparately to recover from the last forest fire, but as you'll see below, lots of lovely things remain. To my enjoyment, I even saw redwoods for the first time. Feast your eyes on what can happen if it rains even two or three times a month! So, you know, like once a year.
So DS has job offers. Probably more than is good for us, because now we'll have to make decisions and negotiate and all those things provide opportunities for future "what ifs" and regrets. Here's hoping we make the right choice... Who would have thought that being successful would cause more stress? We are very excited about the future though. In fact, next weekend, meaning the 8th, we'll arrive in Chapel Hill to see how we like the place. I'm assuming DS will be talking shop with the school as well, and apparently we'll be meeting with a real estate agent? oy.
All of this has me contemplating my own job prospects. I've spent a large part of today on Craigslist for the cities with offers, as well as filling out surveys intended to help me find my calling. So far, I've discovered that I've most likely wasted my six years of higher education on degrees that are useless...
So I'm asking you, the collective mind, what I should do with myself, because I honestly feel like a failure. I have a bachelor's degree in art history, where I attempted to focus my studies on architectural history. I also minored in mathematics. I went to graduate school for historic preservation, though I never wrote my thesis, so I don't technically have a degree. The majority of my actual experience is in lowly sales positions, but I did spend a wonderful two years at a healthcare IT company doing user testing on medication software. I have mad test plan writing skills, but no coding knowledge. I can tell you that I prefer working with my hands, and thinking things through, and coming up with creative solutions to problems. I like to see some sort of finished product or goal, so that I feel like something was accomplished with my time. I like my work to benefit society in some way, even if indirectly.
Whatever job I've held, my reviews are always good, and if it's possible in the job, I'm promoted quickly. I can be trained to do just about anything, in my opinion. The problem is that I want to do something I enjoy, and I haven't the slightest idea what that is. I'm terribly afraid that my two year stint at the software company will be my only fulfilling job, and that the rest of my time will be spent in whatever minimum wage gig is currently hiring. The idea of going back to school to get another degree only to find out that the jobs are either undesirable or seemingly impossible to find is terrifying.
I still have my craft business, but here I am working less than 10 hours a week at my current job, and I have no real desire to go into the craft room. It's not that I don't like it. Probably more that I've had the business for 4 years and still average 1 sale or less per month. It's hard to keep doing something when it seems like no one appreciates it. I think I would like to do commissioned work, where someone has a general idea in their head of what they want.
At the risk of sounding like a pity party, I'm starting to feel stupid. I used to think I was smart. I think the combination of being surrounded by PhD scientists and my decreasing ability to find engaging, fulfilling work is wearing me down. And the longer it lasts, the harder it's becoming to find the inner strength to find a way out of this. Worse, I'm finding myself incredibly jealous, almost resentful, of DS's success. Aren't I better than this? I used to know I was, but in the last year and a half, doubt has eaten a hole in that confidence.
I'm floundering.. drowning.. and I need help. Preferably in something other than empty reassurances, as nice as those are... God, I hope I feel better tomorrow.
Actual conversation between DS and some teenagers that came to our door the other day:
Kids: Whoa! What are those?!
DS: *confused* cats?
Me: (safely hidden in the living room) *smirk* idiots
Kids: No way! Like wild cats?
DS: no... house cats
Kids: What do you feed them?!?
DS: cat food.
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Seriously, is Winston that big? He doesn't seem it to me, but apparently we're the only ones that think so.
After more than a year of periodically going to Goleta Beach looking for sea glass, Samantha makes me go to Arroyo Beach and we find a crap load. Neither of us had been to that one before, and we were so surprised. The beach is really rocky along the shore, then turns to sand, and then giant cliffs with uber fancy houses on top. We made the mistake of walking it barefoot. It probably would have been nice in the sand, but once we realized that sea glass was abundant, we stayed in the rocks. Ouch.
Sore feet is a small price to pay for this megaload of sea glass though! We even found two small cobalt blue pieces. Most are white and green, and there's a fair amount of brown.
Double Success: I bought a diamond tipped drill bit for my Proxxon today, and managed to get a nice little whole in my practice piece. That means I can start making real sea glass jewelry now!!
Speaking of successes, I purchased one of those "as seen on tv" planters that grows vegetables upside down. This particular one is meant for pepper plants, and I got a "six alarm combo pack" of peppers to go in it. And then, because I don't like peppers, I got myself basil and rosemary. I hope it actually works. Though I'm a little nervous about our sunlight situation. And also the cats.
While I was at it, I re-potted all of my plants, finally getting rid of some dead ones that had been languishing on the porch for six months. My aloe and catnip are doing excellent, so if you want some... let me know. Also, the porch has been cleaned finally! (it's coated in some kind of high gloss paint, and is always covered a thick layer of dirt due to lack of rain, dust, and occasional fires) We'll see how long that lasts.
DS is having success as well. We'll be in Chapel Hill from April 8-12 to see if we want to live there. Anyone going to be around there then? Any suggestions for things to do/see that might entice us? Would you recommend it?
Also, it looks like we'll be in the DC area the weekend of May 22 for a wedding. I've never been there. Not sure we'll have much spare time, but just in case, feel free to send me suggestions for awesome things there as well.
Our friends convinced us to hike a six mile trail up Figueroa Mountain to see the spring wildflowers. While I'm not much for exercise for the sake of exercise, things like this are easily agreed to. If only they were easily done...
The drive there was longer than expected, so I hit my inhaler a bit too early. Plus, on the way, we kept seeing fields and hillsides covered in gorgeous carpets of flowers. We couldn't resist pulling over to take photos. As we pass the shorter, paved hikes, we enjoyed mocking the people gathered, calling them "Sunday Drivers" and the like. We kept going, to the big hike, expecting to be met with rich rewards for our persistence. Boy were we wrong. Karma is a bitch. The hike we had chosen was dry, rocky, and uphill for miles. UP. HILL. I thought I was going to die. It's a good thing I took the inhaler out of the car with me, because that early shot left me hyperventilating five minutes in. We felt like we were lost in the desert, and in a way, we were. We had no idea where the "good part" of the hike was, and we plowed forward, our feet creating trails of dust in the air, our shoes full of spiky little pebbles, sure that each new bend or crest would provide us our prize. There was no prize. Unless you count that one time I led, and everyone wondered how I could hike so fast. That was pretty cool, for a wimpy asthma kid.
After several miles, we gave up, ate our picnic lunch, complete with wine, right in the middle of the rocky trail, and went back. Since it was all downhill from there, we moved quickly, and then drove back to the wildflowers we had mocked people for stopping to see. Sometimes, following the trail most taken is very good advice.
The lower parts of the trail did have some flowers and greenery, and you'll see that in the photos. But all of the lush fields of flowers are, unfortunately, from elsewhere. Honestly though, it was a great day. You know what T-Rex says... "The worst that can happen is Adventures!"
Now that spring is here, Winston spends a large amount of time each morning frantically stalking finches through the kitchen window. I've had to keep the counters clear so he doesn't break anything. He gets so anxious, like he actually thinks he has a chance of catching one through the screen. I actually think the birds enjoy taunting him. They hang out in groups of five or so in the top of the tree, which is right at our window. When they fly past the window, Winston flinches, his tail flicks, and his eyes become giant black discs. Have you ever noticed that cats' eyes dilate when they're hunting? It cracks us up.
Photos below of Arroyo Beach, where I discovered sea glass is abundant! The beach isn't bad either.
Every time I talk to real people, I spend the next three or four hours feeling like I said something wrong, but I have no idea why. It's very troubling, and makes me think it's a good thing that I'm a hermit.
That being said, I love my book club, and it's one of the things I will miss when I leave Santa Barbara. Which, by the way, will before the fall semester, because my husband has a job offer.
Every time the universe delivers a solution to a problem of mine right as it's close to spiraling out of control, I sit around waiting for the other shoe to drop. Right now though, we're still in celebration mode. Say hello to PROFESSOR DRAGONSLAYER!
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Professor Science? Remember when I bought him this shirt? The one I had him wear under his suit for his PhD defense??
I am what "they" are referring to these days as "underemployed". Yes, I have a job. And yes, it pays me real money. But it's of such limited quantity that I'm thankful for public libraries and 99¢ bread. I'm not exactly in danger of missing payments on anything. More like we make exactly the amount of money we need to get by, but anything else is problematic. This is hard for us. Just this Saturday, we went to see a matinee (did you know those were cheaper?) with some friends, who all decided to go eat at Outback afterwards. Previously, we would have been all over going out to eat with friends. I mean, we are typically the type of people that wonder what our friends are doing, but don't bother to find out because we're socially inept. So when an easy opportunity to do said socializing presents itself, and with food, you can safely bet we'll be there. Lack of money is something restaurants sort of frown on though. DS and I spent 10 minutes, while the other four were joking around and settling on which restaurant, sending furtive glances at each other. Was this something worth dipping into our savings for? Are we bad people for thinking along these lines.
In the end, it apparently was worth it, because we went, and enjoyed ourselves. And you know what else I enjoy about being underemployed? I've had the last 2 months of Monday's off. I'm spending today playing Sims 3, because I can. Also, I've read a hojillion books since Christmas. I got rid of cable, and haven't even noticed because my laptop has an hdmi output and hulu is amazing. And when we just can't stand to be in the house any longer, we do things like go see waterfalls.
Truly, there are worse things than being underemployed. As long as I can put food on my table, I am totally fine with it. I'm sure that feeling is bolstered somewhat by the fact that DS will hopefully have a job soon. But still, right now, working 15 hours a week isn't too shabby.
Originally thought I'd spend the whole day playing Sims 3. Well, until people come over for BSG night at any rate. But you know what sounds good? Bacon. And I have plenty of time to make it. Those of you who know me well can appreciate that statement at its fullest.
Of all the nice things about our apartment (size, neighbors, refurbished), sometimes I'm sure none of those can outweigh the bad. Mostly because the bad things are recurring and ANNOYING.
Tonight I had the privilege of sitting seven rows away from Neil Gaiman as he read unpublished stories, answered questions, and told us snippets of things about life and writing. He spoke about how much he loves audiobooks, and making his own. As I sat listening to him read The Thing About Cassandra, I found myself both awed by how mesmerizing his story telling powers were, and feeling cheated that the only one of his books I've listened to was read by Lenny Henry. That's not to say that my experience with Anansi Boys on CD was anything less than great. But after listening to Gaiman speak for two hours, it occurs to me that my public library will need to be thoroughly picked clean of anything they may have recorded in his voice.
I'm working on a belated birthday/Christmas present for my brother, whose birthday is the day after Christmas. I'm attempting to weave designs into the fabric in support of his favorite team, the University of Louisville cardinals. After planning out the lettering on some grid paper (well, homemade grid paper... I really should buy some of that stuff; making your own grids is needlessly time consuming) similar to a cross stitch pattern, I went about weaving them into the fabric using what's known as a soumak weave. For you embroiderers, this is basically a stem stitch. Which I realized after painstakingly weaving this in between each plain weave row. I think for the image part, I will just embroider the design.
I would say it's because I'm having so much fun, but I'm not always sure that's true. Obviously, it's true sometimes.
