time for some cuddly kitty action

Mandala Therapy

My birthday present from my best friend from home, Kel, was a Mandala meditation kit. According to the book, simply coloring these designs will help me be calm and centered. I spent the last two days doing this one. Now I'm supposed to meditate on the end result.

Say it with me

Well, my therapist says that while I definitely have aspects, I do not have full blown borderline personality disorder. So that's good. He doesn't have the ability to prescribe meds though, so I'm seeing a psychiatrist sometime next month. My regular doctor doesn't think Paxil is my best option any more. That is both terrifying and a relief.

What my therapist can do is give me mantras to say to myself when I get upset. Supposedly, these will allow me to just be regular ol' sad and not depressed.

So say it with me!
"I am both lovable and have issues"
"Not everything that makes me happy hurts other people"

ZZZZzzzzzz....

Valium... sleepy...

Texas is a hot and dusty state

I learned a very important thing about myself this weekend. I do not belong at three-day music festivals, especially in Texas.

Highlights:
1. Saw Bjork. Totally freakin awesome. There's nothing cuter than that woman saying thank you after each song.
2. Learned I can actually appreciate meat when it's cut and cooked properly. Which means everything else I've ever had has been a sorry excuse for meat...

Drawbacks:
1. Got lots of blisters on my feet.
2. Learned Sleep Number beds are the worst beds known to man. How the heck do people sleep on those things? I've never woken up so sore in my life.
3. I'm allergic to Texas. I needed my inhaler just to breathe by the end of the trip.
4. Had a panic attack Sunday night. And then again this morning. An awesome new development in my deteriorating mental state.
5. Was the source of a fight between my two best friends, the result of which is that I feel as if I've lost them both. Options: Stick around and be the source of jealousy and friction or leave and lose my two best friends. Just great.

Conclusion:
I'm miserable. I want to go to sleep and never wake up. Seriously. I feel like hyperventilating everytime I leave my apartment, or just thinking about leaving my apartment. And I'm not allowed to die, according to DS, so I'm waiting on a phone call from my doctor who seems to be too busy to help me.

Yup, Texas sucks ass. I'm going to go bury myself in my bed.

Catch up

Lots of this on my blog lately.... sorry guys.

1. Saw the Flaming Lips for free. Dude walked over the crowd in a giant bubble. Nutso, yet totally awesome.

2. Going to therapy. So far it sucks. Trying to hold out for the making me feel better part.

3. Heading to Austin, Tx tomorrow for the ACL music festival. Driving... Let's hope I have enough books and cd's to make it there an back with my sanity intact.

4. Have finally gotten DS to enjoy reading, more than 8 sentences at a time. He's plowing through Harry Potter books. In fact, he's read 4 books in the last month alone, and one was a random book about tree climbers. I think aliens have stolen my husband.

5. Did you know there's an OCD dedicated specifically to peeling off your own skin? It's called dermatillomania, and I'm pretty sure I have it. At least, I have to wear band-aids on my thumbs to keep from picking, because even bleeding doesn't deter me. EW.

6. There's a similar disorder related to pulling out your own hair. Can't really put a band-aid on that, so I feel lucky.

7. My birthday's tomorrow, and I will officially (in my mind) no longer be what I consider a "young adult". I'm not worried though, because I'm young no matter what my age. My blankey says so. 26, here I come!

8. I go through phases with my satellite radio, and I'm re-falling in love with channel 26, Left of Center.

9. The high today was 66. I think fall is finally coming. I can't tell you how happy this makes me.

10. Of course, it's slightly tainted by the 90 degree weather I'm about to drive into.

11. I'm about to start listening to the Count of Monte Cristo on my ipod. I hope it's as awesome as my friend Anne says it is.

12. Speaking of books, I started my own book club. It's called "let's get drunk and talk about books". So far, we've read Stardust, and I believe we got as far as "who was your favorite character" before we moved on to playing boardgames.

13. I'm cool with that, because at least it got people to come to my house.

14. I've finally decided it might be worthwhile to learn to cook.

15. I blame Alton Brown for this. And also Matt and Anne, who made me the most amazing baked macaroni and cheese I've ever had in my entire life.

16. As it turns out, I can sautee a mean shrimp, and mash a mean potato. DS is quite pleased with this prospect.

17. Might be gone for a while, but don't worry. I'm sure I'll be fine, just busy or something. If you know my e-mail address, feel free to use it. I check that everyday. If you have facebook or myspace or anything along those lines, don't expect fast responses. I've been internet lazy lately.

OCD is a weird disease

Okay, so I found this book in the craft section of Barnes and Noble the other day. It didn't take long to know that I had to own it.

It's called "Wreck this Journal: To Create is to Destroy", by Keri Smith, and it's basically a "journal" of sorts, but the kind where each page is an opportunity to do damage to the book. For example, one page instructs me to tie a string around the spine of the book and take it for a walk, letting it drag along behind me.

This book is pure genius, and is perfect for someone like me. I like to consider myself an artist, but in truth I create very little. I stare at a blank canvas and agonize about what to put on it, afraid to taint it with anything less than perfect. Unless an idea is clear and distinct in my head, and I know it's something I can do, I don't create much of anything. I never just let my imagination go without restraint.

However, this book is an exercise in destroying; in purposefully making something NOT perfect. And in the process, I hope, my creativity can take flight, and my canvases will not be blank.

Here's where my OCD comes in. There are pages that tell me to eat things that stain and then paint with my tongue, or document what I had for dinner by actually smearing parts of it into the page. But today I discovered that I had done this by accident, and I was devastated. The book had been in my canvas tote bag, where yesterday a small to-go box full of sweet potato fries had also been. Apparently, one of those fries escaped, and hid itself in my book. Now there are grease blots covering a good 15 pages, and I cannot bear to look. DS laughed and told me how ridiculous I was being, and he's right. It is, after all, the point. But somehow the accidental destruction of my book is much different than the intentional destruction of my book...

Well, as the warning at the front of the book says, "You may grieve for the perfect state that you found the book in." And it's true, I do. But it also says, "You may begin to see creative destruction everywhere. You may begin to live more recklessly." So I shall attempt to use this as a creative opportunity.

I have such faith in the concept of this book that I want to start buying it for every person I know who's even the slightest bit creative. And even for people who aren't necessarily creative. And especially for people with a tendency towards perfectionism, like myself.

If you feel like you need a little creative destructivism in your life, or maybe you just need something that's okay to destroy to release some tension, you can get the book here.

Not a month! Ha!

I know what you all were thinking. "It's almost been a whole month since she's updated! A few more days, and I'm calling her on it." Beat ya to it, suckers!

I'm moved in, I love my apartment, and I'm too lazy to take pictures and upload them. The cats used the move as an excuse to find new ways to annoy us.. like waking me up at 3:30 am. Every. Morning.

Here are some random lists. Just cause.

Top 5 Songs That Keep Running Through My Head and Making me Want to Kill Myself:

1. The Farmer in the Dell (specifically, the line of "The cheese stands alone")
2. There was an old lady who swallowed a fly
3. Party - Nelly Furtado
4. Maybe it's only those three... but I think the cheese stands alone over and over and over counts as three.

Top 5 Things Currently Swallowing my Time

1. August 30th deadline at work (10 + hour days and weekends sometimes too... YUCK)
2. Photoshop on my mac = heaven
3. Setting up a dedicated craft space. Now who's going to tell me to clean up my mess? Nobody, that's who!
4. Reading American Gods by Neil Gaiman, and in fact, Neil Gamon's books in general. Pure genious.
5. Rome, Season 1. Holy Crap. Why have I never had HBO?

A whirlwind photo tour of the last two weeks

Saturday, July 14th:

Anne and I had a full out girly sleepover, complete with SIX girly movies watched, and popcorn made on the stove.

Here you can see our nest: an inflatable bed nestled within an L-shaped couch. We gave ourselves pedicures, and invented new margarita flavors. Blackberry margaritas made from frozen blackberries = awesome, until you get to the bottom and start swallowing seeds.

Sunday, July 15th:

While waiting to be picked up by Matt and Nathan, I took pictures of the landscaping around Anne's totally sweet apartment.

More awesome flowers.

No trip to Milwaukee is complete anymore without stopping at the gas station zoo. This rooster was thoroughly confused and crowing around lunch time.

This was bought at the gas station zoo. When you push his stomach, he lets out a very long maniacal laugh. That and his plastic face make this perhaps the creepiest keychain I've ever seen in my life.

The first of two weeks of Brewers games, this is Anne's brother, Nathan. Or as DS still lovingly calls him after I spent Easter with Anne's family, Jerk-athan. I inadvertently made his most favorite dessert of all time, made from scratch lemon bars. He was in heaven.

This was completely unacceptable. Aside from the fact that this is a Boston Red Sox hat, which in my house is treason on it's own, its a PINK Red Sox BEANIE that's much too small for his head. It just flopped around through the whole game. I wanted to shove it in his nachos. I have issues with team paraphernalia that's not in team colors.

Anne is in love with Prince Fielder. We call him her MLB boyfriend.

Wednesday, July 18th:

At the last weekly movie night, where DS, Matt, Dave, me, and now Gloria meet up at Anne's to watch either a movie or a tv series (past shows: Battlestar Galactica and Firefly), we noticed something crawling over the neighbor's roof. Sure enough, it was five raccoons coming out of the vent in the roof. Only Jesse could fully appreciate how funny this is.

Friday, July 20th:

I took this picture when I found my cats sleeping, Felix with her leg over Winston. I was inspired by how much they love each other. Of course, mid-shot they start to wake up, and instead I get Felix yawning, but looking like she's going to eat me. Kinda cool, but not the loving shot I was going for.

DS and I found a "hiking trail" while at Lindsey's wedding reception. It was really just a mowed path around a bunch of corn fields, but I did manage to take some pretty awesome shots as the sun was setting. This one is my favorite.

Saturday, July 21st:

We're on our way to the annual company picnic at Devil's Lake, also know as the "Epicnic". (pronounced epic-nic; they're so clever...) Matt, Gloria and I squished in the back seat of DS's car, while I attempted to have a picture of Matt giving a real smile. Obviously, it didn't work out too well.

This is Gloria. You haven't met her yet, mostly because I've only recently met her myself. The whole past year I've been at my new job, she's been working from Sweden. SWEDEN! But now she's back, and she's Anne's good friend, and now I know that I love her. Here, she's eating steak and lobster at the picnic, and has wrapped her neverending napkin around her like a scarf. She has style!

DS climbed the "impossible" climbing wall, winning himself a free $20. He was only the second person to do it that day.

Don't Anne and Gloria look so happy in this picture? The crowd behind them is for the annual tug o'war competition, for which we missed our turn while watching DS climb. We didn't really mind.

After the picnic, we explored Parfrey's Glen, Wisconsin's very first Nature Reserve. I love how Matt looks like a giant in this photo.

Sunday, July 22nd:

Anne, beautiful as she is, is merely posing as a diversion for the real subject of the photo: the man in the background and his amazing beard. Brewers' games are always exciting, more so when you go back to back Sundays.

Everyone knows the best part of a Brewers game is the sausage race. On Sundays, they do a relay with the "little weenies". DS laughed a long time over this. He's very mature.

Exhausted from a fun-filled weekend, even the conclusion of Harry Potter couldn't keep me awake.

harry harry harry harry

I have about 150 pages to go in book 7. It's mesmerizing. DS keeps asking me what I'm laughing about, or exclaiming about, or generally making a rucous about, and I keep telling him to start from book 1 and catch up. He doesn't like that.

On the plus side, a conversation about the movies led him to tell me that the first movie came out around the same time as the Fellowship of the Ring, and that he had decided the Harry Potter movie was much better. He actually said he was BORED through Lord of the Rings. I know what you're thinking, this isn't a plus side. It's cool, I'm getting to it. Somehow, me telling him how at length how much more amazing book 5 was on paper made him decide that Lord of the Rings might be worth reading. Huzzah! I'll make a proper nerd of him yet.

In other news, I have been up to my ears in social outings. At any other time, this would be way more totally awesome, but right now, it's somewhat stressful. I'm starting to have little panic attacks when I see the large stack of empty, unpacked boxes. So much stuff is still not packed up, and I'm not entirely sure when I'll find time to get to it all. Plus, we have a deadline at work, and it's looking like I'm going to be working 60+ hours this week. *shudder*

So yeah, I'm scarce at the moment. But I do have like 80 pictures on my camera from all this time. Slumber parties, multiple baseball games, company picnic, wedding receptions... lots of stuff. Hopefully, I'll find time to mess with uploading them soon.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have an obsession to attend to so I can move on to the other things I need to get done.

Life Returns

I don't know if it's the summer heat, vacations, or what, but blogging life has been boring this summer. Every day without fail, I check everyone's blogs to see who's updated, and am usually sad to see mostly no one.

So it is with great pleasure that I announce the return of two of my favorite bloggers. (To be fully honest, Julienned Carrots has been back for a while, but I'm slow. Check Engine Soon, whom I'm sure you're recognize, is fairly recent.) Hooray! More ways to pass away the time and avoid packing!

So now find their links over there on the right and go! (Janelle, I'm talking to you in particular, just in case you've missed it.)

Happy Birthday !!

Today my blog is exactly 2 years and 1 month old, and this is my 400th post. (Don't pay attention to the post on 6/1.. that was a more recent one that I backdated so it wouldn't show up, as it's linked from the main page.)

Blogging has had it's ups and downs for me. For one, it's harder to escape the negative influences, as they can easily stalk me here. But, I've made so many wonderful friends, several of whom I've actually had the pleasure of meeting or corresponding with offline. These people have been a blessing, and they make the downs well worth it.

And now, because I don't yet feel like unloading the various pictures on my camera from the last 2 weeks, here's a meme from Gimchi.

The Rules are:

* We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
* Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
* People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
* At the end of your blog post, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
* Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.


1) I am an obsessive pack rat, and still have every single letter, card, and note I've ever received/taken.
2) It scares me to read stories about people with OCD, because I see pieces of myself in them and worry one day I'll fall off the edge of sanity.
3) Ever since elementary school, I've had the odd habit of rubbing my nails across the skin near my mouth and then smelling them and taking comfort.
4) I will also occasionally do this with the erasers on top of pencils, but seeing as how I mostly use pens now unless doing a crossword puzzle, this is more rare. I prefer the white erasers
5) I will only use checks, stamps, and pencils that decorated and not plain. For example, right now I have Care Bears checks, Star Wars stamps, and Powerpuff Girl pencils. I believe this makes the little things in life more enjoyable.
6) When I was a child, I fully believed I had power over the rain, which was fueled by the several times I managed to get the rain to stop and start again simply by thinking about it. Sometimes, I still think I can do this, but age brings the awful wings of doubt.
7) I often see things out of the corners of my eyes, and I'm sure they're ghosts or some other being generally thought to be imagined.
8) Despite the dismal failure of my last round of ornaments, I still dream of selling the things I make and being successful enough to do it full time.

I don't feel like tagging people either. But feel free to do it yourself.

Thanks to my loyal readers for two great years!

Whoa

Okay okay!! You've asked for a review, and you shall have one. IT WAS SO GREAT!!!

There were a couple of places where it was so corny DS and I groaned. But overall, it was so great, that I'm willing to overlook those spots. I mean, they really couldn't have made the robot fighting any more awesome looking. It looked so real! *sigh* Just great.

I fully recommend that you watch it. And don't forget to stay for the credits. There are two funny parts, and one very important part that hints at a sequel....

Robots in Disguise

I hope you all know how important this day is. Not tomorrow. Tomorrow can suck it. (Though Matt and I are going to have a nerd party [read: watching star trek], and then DS and I are throwing a small video game/cookout party.)

No no. Today is much more significant, because it is the opening day of the new Transformers movie. And you can bet that DS and I are going. And it will be so totally wicked awesome. I've been trying to mimic the noise they make when they transform for days, and DS assures me that by no stretch of the imagination do they sound like that...

Oh man, I'm so excited!

7 lbs of awesome

DS and I are home. As it turns out, we very much enjoy cruising! Especially the food, from which I gained 7 lbs. You know how you watched Titanic in the 90's, and you marveled over how big the dining room was? I thought, "how can that possibly be real? how is that not sinking without the iceberg?" Similar thoughts occupied me through this whole trip. In fact, our waiter informed us that our boat is bigger than the Titanic was. Practically every night, except for the two where we decided we weren't leaving the room, or we got hungry too early, we had four course meals for dinner. And let me tell you, these meals were fan-freakin-tastic. Shrimp ravioli. Mahi Mahi tempura. Lobster. Veal. Sooo sooo good. Our waiters joked that they got paid by the pound...

As for the reason we went, Lindsey's wedding, that went great as well! Lindsey was soo pretty.

We spent a great majority of our time reading and lying by the pool. I completely forgot about work, about depression, about all the things at home that were making me crazy. It was so relaxing and rejuvenating, and I feel ready to face the world again.

DS won $100 in the casino! It was exciting, and almost embarrassing, to have the sirens of the slot machine blaring, and 400 quarters pouring out of the machine.

Every night with our turn down service, our room attendant made us little figures out of towels. My favorite was the monkey that he hung from the ceiling.

Lindsey's family got everyone matching shirts for the cruise, so when we had designated wedding things, 40 or so people in bright orange would gather. It was quite a sight!

So, that's all for now. I highly recommend that you consider a cruise for your next vacation.

Vacation Time!

Bright and early in the morning (by which I mean dark and groggy), DS and I are getting up to drive to the airport to start our vacation! This will be our first real real vacation (I just decided our honeymoon didn't count.) We planned ahead, paid for it without going into debt, and I even get vacation time from work so no losses! Hooray!!

Where are we going you ask? On a cruise! A friend from my last work, whom you may remember as Lindsey, is getting married and we're going along to celebrate. It's going to be awesome! Key West, Cozumel, and Coco Bay, here we come!! This is my first cruise, and I have no idea what to expect. As a result, my suitcase is brimming. Poor DS... it will suck to carry it.

I'm not sure if we'll have internet access while we're away. Supposedly, our phones will work, but at international rates. BOO! But in a way, that's okay. It might be kind of nice to totally disappear for a whole week.

Winston and Felix are going to be cared for by my dear friend Matt. I have left him a giant bag of candy, and free reign of my computer and guitar hero as payment. And for my readers, I am making up my absence to you by posting this picture of Matt double fisting girly alcohol left over from my wedding. It was found when I cleaned out the fridge last week. Yup, he's going to kill me.

Please don't hurt me!

I'm High Class!

Several things worth mentioning.

1. I have a passport. And I've discovered that U.S. agencies like it when you have to wait in a line to wait in a room to wait in a line to wait in a line to wait in a chair, to then wait somewhere else and then start over. Yes, that really happened.

2. http://www.qwantz.com/index.pl?comic=1011

3. Yesterday, DS, the Silverback and I went to Friday's for burger Tuesday. I had fried mac & cheese, and kids' portion of chicken fingers, and a large raspberry cherry martini. High class!

Stupid Scrobbling

So yesterday I added that little last.fm thing to my sidebar. I've been in love with last.fm for a while, but when I got my new mac, I forgot about it. Until yesterday. Really, that is an ingenius program. I just wish I could listen to it at work...

Anyway, it does this thing called scrobbling, where it keeps track of the things you're listening to on your iPod and iTunes, and sends the information back to last.fm to help them make their program better. You can turn it off, but I didn't see any reason to.

Until this morning, when I saw that it also updates my recently played list, and now you can all see what a Disney dork I am... Crap.

Unexpected Adventures

On our way to a Brewers game last Sunday (to get our free Prince Fielder bobbleheads since he's Anne's MLP boyfriend), Anne, Matt, DS and I stopped at a gas station. We thought it was an innocent bathroom break, but we were wrong. They had a zoo. At the gas station.

Anne loved their plastic horse. I very much wanted to ride it, but a sign said it would bite me.

I didn't know it at the time, but Anna has an obsession with "mini" things. Good thing that chalk sign pointed it out to us.

These are apparently Indian running ducks. They ran towards us, and Anne freaked out. It was time to leave the zoo.

Until I caught sight of these... At which point I screamed, "Holy Shit! Bunnies!" and took off running. This provided no end of amusement for everyone else.

We got the game early to make sure we had plenty of time to tailgate. We were thoroughly prepared, complete with Anne's famous burgers. ...Except we forgot a spatula. Luckily, these nice young boys were suckers for my homemade cookies, and agreed to share.

Matt is an expert burger flipper.

Also, he was very proud of Ruby at this point, when she was a beer shrine and cookie holder.

DS was most excited to see Dontrell Willis pitch. This is apparently a crazy wind up move, and the boys were impressed.

No Brewers game is complete without the wiener race. Sometimes, like on this day, they have mini-wieners do relay with the regulars. I rooted for the bratwurst and lost.

While everyone else keeps quoting my "holy shit bunnies" thing, my favorite moment was when Anne kept pointing out wildlife off the freeway on the way there. First, she saw a deer. Then, she thought she saw another one, but as DS was kind enough to point out, it was a turkey. At which point Matt states, "I mean really, what is a turkey but a deer with wings?"

Classic.

Jesse can party like an 8 year old

This past Saturday, Jesse celebrated his birthday at a local park. You can't keep me away from a party that involves a swing set.

Being the birthday boy, he came in this totally sweet brown suit. Check out his little handheld keg. That thing we're on? Some sort of new fangled teeter totter. People hung from the handles in the middle while Jesse and I flung them around.

Everyone called this the puke bucket. It's like a one person merry go round, except you don't have to have someone with a power leg pushing it around in circles. Gentle movements can have you spinning super fast! No one loves to spin more than I do.

What's an 8 year old's party without a sack race?

I didn't do very well. In fact I didn't even finish. But it was hilarious, and the course was designed to go around trees and through sand. Jesse and Ben are merciless.

There was plenty of food and beer, including grilled hot dogs. I don't know why I love grilled hot dogs. Most meat creeps me out.

You really couldn't have asked for better weather.

Later that night, a homemade slip and slide was revealed. There was no hose. Instead, buckets of soapy water were thrown on some plastic. I didn't think it would work, but then, no one told me soap was involved. Here you can see DS and Jesse glistening after a go of it.

This pictures cracks me up. DS looks just like one of those kids in a real slip n slide commercial. I was slightly embarrassed that he stripped down to his underwear, but was able to have a chuckle when he later asked if we could go home and get him dry underwear. It looked like he'd wet his pants all night.

The moral of this story? If Jesse invites you to a party, you should go. Other activities including an egg and spoon race, an egg toss, and a pinata. Totally sweet stuff.